Sunday, December 28, 2008


Marriage. I began dreaming of marriage at the age of five. Though, my ideal husband looked an awful lot like the loving man who raised me and the brothers who loved me. In fact, this was so strongly believed this (and I was unmistakably impressionable) that the little five year-old 'me' in her wedding veil (a can-can) made a vow to her proud father (with his help). The vow was to never marry and therefore never leave him. (My apologies, Dad.)

In the days of dress-up, I imagined myself as the captivating princess awaiting her prince charming. (My mother helped me transform my ‘princessly’ attire from a distressed blankie and fractured paper crown to a custom made magical dress…Miss Piggy-pink, of course).

Upon his first look at the lovely maiden, his heart pounds viciously inside him. He cannot breathe. His every muscle twitches in readiness to protect the fair creature from the evil things that surround her. He ever continues to pursue her madly. Her very name means 'perfection'.

The maiden, myself, was most certainly the dainty, quiet, sweet (in every way), and most forgiving, maiden. Later was I to find this was not so (with all loving thanks to my patient husband). The malfunctions were quite so obvious until marriage happened upon the prince and princess.

Lately I have been struck ever so softly, though quite blatantly, in the face with the realities of my inward frustrations. I have found that I am completely incapable of fulfilling all of my husbands needs, and he mine. As God knows me completely (Psalm 139) and understands my every thought and emotion (I have plenty of those), then I have no need to expect Matt to do the same.

1 Chronicles 28:9-10, "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work."

My understanding is that my serving God at this point in my life is to serve Matt with wholehearted devotion to Christ. I am to seek my King, as He is the one who perfects my ever-arising imperfections. Marriage. *sigh*. What a wonderful gift!