Monday, January 31, 2011

Ever un-ready.

Everything is lining up. This is the summer I've waited for, planned for, and desired for years in coming (let me count: 2011-2005=6 years). Fluffy cat; check. Cozy home; check. Yard for a garden; check. Time and motivation to write; check. Gardening/canning gear, summer sewing projects, cute baby girl; check, check, check. Fun home town to enjoy; check. New friends to invest in; check. Summer;       .Wait, let me try that again. Summer;        . Something is unmistakeably wrong here. Or that is how it seemed to the girl who likes routine, being home, and waiting for things to come about just as she planned and expected them to. That sorry state of a girl would be me.

Yet within this little heart of mine is an abundant amount of room for change and renovation. It seems that I am constantly dragging the furniture of my soul across the room. Huffing, puffing, and scraping the dusty floors as I go. I desire a welcoming and well kept place for the ones I desire (or the One I desire), yet I'm found moving around the same old junk and dust and damaged belongings (e.g. the couch the cat scratched up). I do specifically remember asking for change and renewal. And the heart to follow my God wherever He would lead me. So why do I fight the change when it comes? I don't think I included my ideal summer plans in the picture.

Matt and I want to be servant hearted. And open and willing for the Lord to use us and most importantly, to trust Him with our future and His goodness in the way He has planned the events in our lives to draw us closer to Him and nearer to His likeness. Fortunately (or unfortunately as some of us would be tempted to think), this includes our summers.

To some, spending eight weeks in Wisconsin Dells, WI would be far from difficult. To others, it's the wrench that got their goat.

So, when I read Matthew 6:33 & Luke 9:23 in the midst of having a personal pity party, I feel challenged. 
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well" (directly following a passage speaking about worry) Matt 6:33 NIV
"But if anyone would follow Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me." Lk 9:23 NIV

But then Isaiah 30:18 and Zephaniah 3:17 addresses the issue of my heart. Who is this who desires to change 'my plans'?
 But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
 He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything. 

Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones. 
Isaiah 30:18, the Message

'Jerusalem will be told:
"Don't be afraid. Dear Zion, don't despair.
Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs. 

Zeph 3:17, the Message

When I stop and think about how short our time is in this world, and how Christ Himself truly gave up so much more to suffer an unnecessary death (really, I might have given up on mankind with our history), I'm humbled and motivated to really let Christ be lord over every aspect of my life. Just not my kitchen. Kidding!  Besides, maybe I'll have my own garden of peonies, tiger lilies, and climbing roses and the One I most desire to enjoy it with in the nearer (than I imagine) future... I want to be ever ready for the change that does my heart best.

So, Wisconsin, you are 8 hours away from my dream summer, but I am trusting a God who knows me me most intimately! Bring on the renovation (and that new couch?)!

fluffy cat: check.  Lovely baby girl; check.
Flowers I left in Ithaca, NY; I do not regret at all the change He brought!


Christine said...

Isaiah 30:18 ... so wonderful. I needed to hear that today. Thanks Lindsay!

So what is taking you to WI?

Nicole Jennings said...

You have such a lovely voice with your words. Keep writing! I love you :)

Anonymous said...

My Friend, I am excited to hear you will be apart of Dells STP this year, but also kinda sad since we will not be there with you(our original plan before Baby Sweets was to be there). But we will come to visit before Baby Sweets arives!

And I too, had similar feelings about last summer when we went to Jax STP. We had just moved back into our own place, all of two months and had to leave it. It was painful to part with our home since I had just been reunited with all our things from being in storage the previous 9 months or so. I thought I had learned to be content without all of it, but just when I got it back we were having to leave it...ouch!

Despite my tight fist trying to hold on to it all, I was some how able to identify with Paul as he says "I count it all as loss compared to"... compared to the amazing summer we got to be apart of in seeing students grow radically in love with their Lord!

I am delighted for you to experience that kind of summer too, it is no small sacrifice but a great one indeed!

love :: sarah

Erika said...

I know God has magnificent plans for you, Matt, and Evie this summer. It's always hard when they aren't exactly what we thought they would be but I know that God will do wonderful things in your lives this summer! I love how you're so open, Lindsay! You know...maybe you can rent out a garden space in WI? Our church rents out garden spaces for the summer so maybe they'll have something like that there!?! Who knows!